Enjoying My Babies and the Amazing Story of Bitty Boy

My friend Vera's post about enjoying her girls really made me think this week about enjoying every moment with my kids while they are young, because some day they will grown up and won't want to snuggle with me on the couch or have me rock them to sleep. These past few days I have been getting in extra snuggles with my babies, just taking mental snapshots(along with many many digital ones!) of how they are at this exact moment in their lives, and telling them how very special and loved they are by me, their Daddy and by Jesus. I told The Girl that God made her so very special, and she wanted me to name off all the ways she was special LOL! Ahhh a girl after my own heart... Words of Affirmation is her Love Language!

Bitty especially I have just been trying to soak up every ounce of his babyness he has. I feel like it passed by so quickly with the older two that I just want to savor it with him. They grow up so fast. Oh how I wish I could just make it stop sometimes. I do very much love watching my children mature and become their own little people with personalities and humor, but babies... ahhh babies.... they are just the sweetest little glimpses of heaven. I often find myself just breathing in Bitty... kissing his soft cheek ever so gently... telling him how much his Mama loves him. All babies are mircles.

He especially is a miracle.

GI Joe and I had TTC(tried to conceive) for about 5 months before we became pregnant with Bitty Boy. I had suffered a miscarriage the month prior, so we were both very apprehensive about the new pregnancy. I worried over every ache and pain, prayed constantly that this new little life would thrive and continue to grow inside of me.

As the date of our 20 week ultrasound grew closer, GI Joe and I were excited that we had passed the crucial stages of pregnancy loss. We were looking forward to finding out the gender of our newest blessing that Thursday morning. During the ultrasound, the technician was very quiet and didn't say much. I was a little worried but I chocked it up to my normal apprension. I saw her measure something in the baby's brain, which I didn't remember from my other two pregnancies. After she was done and we found out we were expected another boy(GI Joe was elated! More soldiers to protect his princess lol) I asked if everything was ok. Oh yes she said... but she needed to go talk with the doctor to see if he wanted to take a closer look at anything.

That's when I knew something wasn't right.

I got scared and I asked GI Joe if he thought everything was ok. I told him they didn't do that with the other two(because of his job, he wasn't able to make it to the other kids' ultrasounds.) I remember feeling so scared, but then the tech came back in and said we could go. I still felt uneasy, but I tried to brush it off and just rejoice in a "healthy" baby boy.

The joy was short lived though, unfortunately.

Tuesday morning rolled around and I was(Thank GOD!) on my way to bible study. I received a call from the doctor who had some upsetting news. There was a choroid plexus cyst on the baby's brain. She told me that sometimes this means nothing and for me to try to stay calm. Yeah right. I asked her what it could possibly mean. She said it could be Trisomy 18, a very serious and fatal condition. She informed me that I needed to make an appointemt with a specialist and get a Level II ultrasound to see if there were any additional markers and to take a closer look at the cyst.

Oh God no was all I could pray.

I tried calling GI Joe. He was out on the field and I couldn't get ahold of him. I left him a sobbing message on his voicemail to call me right away.

I continued praying and driving to bible study. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it inside. By the GRACE OF GOD, my very best friend was late to bible study and she was still in the parking lot. She saw me upset and I told her what happened. She said we needed to go inside and find some prayer warriors and get to work.

Praise and worship time never touched so deep. It is well with my soul. Blessed be Your name. The words pierced me.

After the music, I went up for special prayer and these wonderful annointed ladies laid hands on my belly and prayed fervently for Bitty. I just sobbed and sobbed.

They prayed for His will to be done and for GI Joe and I to have the peace that passes all understanding.

And instantly the peace washed over me.

I was still afraid, yes. Still worried, yes. Still aching for my baby. YES.

But at peace with it. Peaceful knowing it was His will, whatever happens. His will that THIS CHILD was ours. He was our baby boy, no matter what he had or didn't have. That would never change.

Finally GI Joe called me back and I told him the situation. Being the soldier he is, he wanted to know the facts, odds, percentages, options, and what our course of action would be.

But he reiterated what God has spoken to me. This was our baby. No matter what.

A VERY stressful, tiresome and PRAYERFUL 4 weeks later, we were finally at the specialist for our follow up ultrasound. (Delays due to hospital communication, getting insurance approval, records being lost, scheduling conflicts, etc led to the long wait.) GI Joe and I were so nervous. We were both so nervous and scared for our baby.

The Maternal Fetal Specialist put the transducer on my belly and there he was. Such a beautiful little baby.

They looked around. They tried one position, then another, they searched. The cyst was gone.

Not smaller, not larger, it hadn't moved. It was gone. PRAISE BE TO GOD!!

I looked at my husband and our eyes just welled up. It was incredible. This baby boy was going to be born healthy. God had healed him!

He is our little miracle.

Our little miracle is now 4 months old. And his mama is trying to soak up every last little bit of his babyness while it lasts...

Status Update

Wow I hadn't realized it had been almost a week since I had blogged! I suppose "real" life has caught up with me. I have been actively trying to spend more time with the kids doing fun stuff, rather than studying, homework, housework, etc. So we have been playing outside a lot, riding bikes and going places.

Over Memorial Day weekend, we had an awesome chapel service at the local lake, where about 10 people were baptized. It was so stormy, but God showed His awesomeness again, and allowed the clouds to part for a few hours so the serivce could go on as planned. Even the Chaplain said during the sermon that he was "one of little faith" because he didn;t think we would be able to have the outdoor service with all the severe weather. But it was so beautiful, special and meaningful. And we even had a chance to go swimming in the lake after that for a couple hours. The kids loved it... even Bitty! Poor guy is so chubby he was too big for his brand new 6 month swimsuit and rash guard. So I had to go buy him a TWELVE MONTH one! The boy is only 3 months old! :) And of course I forgot the camera. I know. I have already scolded myself lol!

Then on Monday, the pools on Post opened for the season so we were one of the first families there! We all had a great time! I was suprised at how calm and easy it was with 3 kids by myself sans GI Joe. It was nice because my friend and her 2 kids were there also, so it was nice having another adult there to supervise during potty breaks, nursing Bitty breaks, changing Bitty breaks, etc etc etc.

So I suppose my status is:
-Spending more time with kids(Which will hopefully equal a tan for my pasty legs)
-Algebra OVER! I pulled an A! YEAH!(Now I just need to pass Govt 2...)
-GI Joe doing good. (He needs me to send him large paint brushes to clean his weapon??? lol)
-Kids doing well and getting bigger by the day
-House getting cleaned as soon as I am done with this post because my mom is visiting tomorrow! MUST HAVE HOUSE SPOTLESS. LOL :)

Sheep or Goat?

Happy Sunday to you all... it was especially happy for me since Bitty actually SLEPT last night, PRASE GOD!! lol 6.5 hours straight. But of course deployment insomnia struck AGAIN and I was up until 1:45am. I literally laid in bed staring at the ceiling for 2 hours. Oh how I wish I had the flexibility to kick myself in the head because my newborn was sleeping soundly and I could not fall asleep! Oh well. I eventually got about 7 hours of broken sleep. That's all I need to function lol.

I attend a non-denominational Chapel service on Post here. Which let me tell you, is AWESOME. I was raised Lutheran, but now I consider myself just a plain ol' Christian. I am a lover and follower of Jesus, not a denomination or "religion." (Oh how I dislike that term...)

But Chapel today was great! It started off by us arriving 10 minutes early. YES! Score one for the temporarily-single Mommy of 3 young kids! In the parking lost was a big white bus AKA Soldier-Mover. When i got inside the Chapel, I saw about 30 soldiers dressed in ACUs(Army Combat Uniforms) sitting in the pews. A lot of them looked younger, and most were lower ranking. I wondered why they were there... maybe a break from a field exercise for service? I dunno.

During the service the Chaplain asked who were newcomers and who was about to be deployed. Well all these soldiers raised their hands that they were about to go to Iraq. We as a congregation, prayed for them. The sermon was about Matthew 25:31-46.

31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

He posed the question... which are we? A sheep or a goat? Are we REAL Christians or just fakes? Or have we turned our back on God and tried to run away? Or have we just never really known God?

Then the worship team started singing. And those soldiers started praying. And weeping. They came upto the alter by the dozens. Kneeling at the foot of the cross. Laying all their worries and fears at his feet.

I had goosebumps.

The sight of these young soldiers, brave and honorable, about to march off to war, afraid of what the future holds for them, now kneeling to our King and giving their fears and uncertainties to Him, was just overwhelming to me and many of the other Army wives in attendance.

They made their choice. Today, those soldiers made a decision.

They want to be sheep.

I want to be a sheep.

Unquestionable

I spoke with a good friend of mine tonight and she had a bit of a WWYD situation. I won't go into the details, but it was basically about saying no to another friend because 1) she felt uncomfortable about the situation and 2) she felt like God was telling her to say no. She told me that she didn't think the other friend would be understanding about her feeling uncomfortable, and she wasn't sure if she would understand the whole "Well God spoke to me and told me that I shouldn't do this" type of thing. She knew her friend would question her feelings about being uncomfortable, saying she was overreacting, but she wondered if she would question what God told her. She posed a thought-provoking question to me... Can anyone question what God has told you? I mean, someone can question what WE say, or what someONE else has told you. They can say we are overreacting, being silly, crazy, stupid even. But can another person really get upset over what God has spoken to you? It's not like they know what exactly has been spoken between you and God. Or what your relationship with the Lord is like. And we all know that He is without fault, so everything He says is Perfect Truth, no falsehoods. So how can anyone question that or question what you have heard from Him?

This reminds me of a conversation that I once had with GI Joe. He is a very new Christian, a Seeker. And PRAISE GOD for that. If you would have told me a few years ago that I would be attending church with my husband every Sunday(when he is here lol), I wouldn't have believed you. I remember many a Sunday for YEARS of getting myself and the kids up and dressed and heading out to Chapel while GI Joe caught a few more ZZZzzz's. I would ask him every week if he wanted to go, and always let him know how badly I wanted him there. How much I needed him there. A marriage thrives on spiritual continuity between the spouses. But I digress...

GI Joe attends church with me every Sunday. But during the Praise and Worship time, he doesn't sing. And it's not like he doesn't like music. I have caught him many a time jamming out to his iTunes. So I asked him one day after church why he doesn't sing. We got into a big discussion, ahem, about praising the Lord and how important it is. I, being the imperfect one I am, got all over him about the biblical reasons behind his wrongdoing! Well let me just throw stones from my glass house LOL He then gently and lovingly explained to me that no, he wasn't spacing out during those times thinking about the football game on TV later... he said that was his special time to speak with the Lord. Ok God... I WAS CONVICTED!! LOL Ever have those moments?? Insert foot in mouth. The Lord gave me a metaphorical "Booyah! In your face!"

So who are we to question what God has spoken to each other? And for those of you who are reading this thinking... how can I get God to speak to me? ASK HIM! You will be amazed at his response.

My old Pastor once said that he had a lot of people say to him, "God feels so far away." And he would reply, "Well, who moved?" How true that is. God promised us he would NEVER leave us nor forsake us. No matter what we have done, what we have gone through or will go through. He is the same yesterday as He will be tomorrow. And in this crazy chaotic everchanging world that we live in, that is one thing we never have to question. Because when He speaks to us, that is one thing NO ONE can question.

God's To-Do List

I am such a daydreamer... a thinker, a planner, a wisher. I remember many night my very best friend M and I would stay up late as kids planning our futures together. We would go to college and share an apartment. We would have the cutest bathroom and paint the walls to look like the outdoors. We planned to get married at the same time, have our kids at the same time, do everything together. (By the way she just called and told me TONIGHT that she is getting married!!! I told her maybe she can have her first kid when I have my 4th, so we could still experience that together lol) Many many hours we would plan various things. Plan how I would get the nerve up to call GI Joe and talk to him for the first time. Think about how we wanted to create our next silly home video. We would get so excited about just the thoughts of these things, that sometimes the actual doing came second. Sometimes we were too tired from creating our screenplay that halfway through filming, we decided we were done and we were on to planning the next thing.

I also LOVE to fill up my time and my calendar with things to do while GI Joe is gone. I have meetings, playgroups, activities, school, appointments, bible study, scrapbooking club, bunco, and everything else you could imagine. It makes the deployment just fly by for me. It also drains me and exhausts me. Brings me to my breaking limit even. But even while I am doing all of these "things," more opportunities to get involved arise. More ministry options, more volunteers needed to do this and provide that. And I just yearn to say yes to everything.

But sometimes I just need to sit back and say no. Maybe no, not never, but at least no, not right now.

God has really been teaching me that I need to really try to focus on what He should have me do, and not what my selfish wishes are. What things does He want me to have on my to-do list today.

But MarriedtotheArmy, how do I know what God wants me to do? Does God even care about what small things I do in my day to day life?

YES He cares. Just ask Him to show you. Ask Him to lead you down HIS path. You will be amazed at just what He lays on your heart and what opportunities are presented to you.

Very recently I have taken up a new ministry opportunity. I am very excited about what God has in store for me. I am very sincerely praying that I have a genuine humble heart and want to do His will and follow His plan. He has been working so incredibly in my life over these past 2 years that I am so eager with anticipation to see what is in store next.

I am going to keep focused of following God's will in my life. Praying and seeing what He wants me to write on my to-do list everyday. What is essential and what is frivolous. What is nourishing and what is draining.

And don't get so wrapped up in the details. Don't worry so much about the planning of every little thing. Sometimes God wants to surprise us. Follow His to-do list and not our own. After all, He is our Father, He knows what's best for us. :)

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone! I hope your day was blessed with much love, joy and peace! I had such high hopes for the day. I stayed up late making bows for The Girl to wear to church that matched her Easter dress. All three of my brats had the CUTEST coordinating outfits to wear to church today. But the day didn't go as planned(does it ever? lol)...

I was woken up at 5am with three screaming kids. There was a huge spring storm rolling through. The Boy and Girl are deathly afraid of thunder so they came rushing into my room, where I was already nursing Bitty in the bed. It took a good 1.5 hours to get everyone back asleep and in their bed after the storm was over. So I was already sleep deprived when my alarm went off at 8am. Oh well... nothing a little, er, A LOT of coffee can't fix.

So I get up, change Bitty's diaper and walk into the living room where the big kids failed to notice the baskets on the kitchen table. I show them the error of their ways and they become so excited and start opening the basket and seeing what treasures they have accumulated. When suddenly, without notice, The Boy throws up ALL OVER his candy and basket! GROSS!! (And BTW, WHY do my kids ALWAYS get the stomach flu when GI Joe is deployed?!?!) He starts freaking out. I am holding Bitty so I quickly put him down. I get a wet washcloth to wash The Boy's face with. He is crying saying his belly hurts so badly. I get him cleaned up and lay him down on the couch with his blanket and Lambie. Then I turn around and see the task ahead of me... a puke-filled Easter basket. Oh Joy. After dry heaving an innumerable amount of times, I get it cleaned up and everything sanitized. The Girl then asks when she can put her Easter dress on and when we are leaving for church. I give her the bad news that we wouldn't be going to church today because of her brother. She wants to wear her dress anyway and I oblige. So while I am still trying to air out the house, she is twirling and swirling around the living room in her pretty dress and new white shoes.

So no church for us today. And I was so looking forward to it, the sermon, the praise music, everyone dressed up. I mean, THE TOMB IS EMPTY!! JESUS LIVES!! HE HAS RISEN!! Who wouldn't want to sing for joy?!?

But God obviously had other plans for me today. The kids and I had a lazy family day at home. We colored eggs and enjoyed cuddling on the couch watching cartoons. I got to read some blogs while they napped. I came across MckMama's post about The Truth About Easter. WOW. What an amzing post. It was like attending church online! LOL So I listened to some soft praise music and really just reveled in the awesomeness of the day.

Sometimes we don't need fancy dresses, loud music(even if it is about Christ), or a loud booming sermon from a wonderful God-loving Chaplain. Sometimes God has other plans for us for that day. And unfortunately, sometimes those plans involve a puke-filled Easter basket.

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.

10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 46

I'm Back from Deployment because My Hubby Deployed... Huh, Wha??

Ok so it only took me 11 months to blog again... not bad for a mom of three small kids? Ah yes, you caught that did you? THREE army brats now. Yes, we are planning to start our own Brigade, basic training begins in the womb. So now we have The Girl, The Boy, and The Bitty Boy. If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart. Awwwww.....

Well, what's the reason you are blogging again MarriedToTheArmy? Well it's because GI Joe has left on a long adventure to the Nether Lands. No, not Holland... Iraq. He is on his third tour there now and has left me as Rear Detachment Commander of our growing triple-stack of Brats. So now that I am Mommy and Daddy, and a full-time college student(don't ask...) I have sooooo much time to blog! *Insert snarky sarcasm here* Really it's just because I always have Deployment Insomnia. I figure I'm up til the butt crack of dawn anyway, so I might as well blog about it!

So hopefully from now on there will be at least weekly posts from me chronicling the comical and chaotic daily occurrences that take place here at Camp Camouflage. I am sure this year has so much in store for me. God is always in control and the Army definitely makes sure you always know that. Even though the fear of my husband being in a war zone could literally cripple me, I give it to God. Daily. Hourly. I know He has so much He is going to teach me this year. I can't wait. We Army wives have it hard, yes that is true. But God has called us each to this life. And he gave us this gift of separation. And yes you read right... GIFT of separation. No it isn't because I LIKE being apart from my husband and taking out the trash and killing bugs, it's because it's a time where God can work on us individually. Where we are carried by him. How then would we ever know what God is capable of if we never are brought through the fire? How would we ever realize that the only set of footprints in the sand were not our own. Only because we simply could not walk any longer on our own two feet. Deployments FORCE us to rely on something. The Army teaches us our families to be strong. THERE'S STRONG AND THEN THERE IS ARMY STRONG. I know you all have seen the cheesy commercials that still manage to make me cry. Deployments are an in-your-face reminder that we CANNOT go through this life without God. Try and you will fail. You will crumble when life's pressures come barreling down. I speak from experience. God is solid. More solid than you and I are. Even more solid than my GI Joe's 6 pack abs ;) Only on HIS solid rock I stand, because ALL OTHER ground is sinking sand.

So it back and enjoy the show... you'll laugh, I'll cry, we'll all revel in God's awesomeness... it'll be a hoot! :)