Bitty especially I have just been trying to soak up every ounce of his babyness he has. I feel like it passed by so quickly with the older two that I just want to savor it with him. They grow up so fast. Oh how I wish I could just make it stop sometimes. I do very much love watching my children mature and become their own little people with personalities and humor, but babies... ahhh babies.... they are just the sweetest little glimpses of heaven. I often find myself just breathing in Bitty... kissing his soft cheek ever so gently... telling him how much his Mama loves him. All babies are mircles.
He especially is a miracle.
GI Joe and I had TTC(tried to conceive) for about 5 months before we became pregnant with Bitty Boy. I had suffered a miscarriage the month prior, so we were both very apprehensive about the new pregnancy. I worried over every ache and pain, prayed constantly that this new little life would thrive and continue to grow inside of me.
As the date of our 20 week ultrasound grew closer, GI Joe and I were excited that we had passed the crucial stages of pregnancy loss. We were looking forward to finding out the gender of our newest blessing that Thursday morning. During the ultrasound, the technician was very quiet and didn't say much. I was a little worried but I chocked it up to my normal apprension. I saw her measure something in the baby's brain, which I didn't remember from my other two pregnancies. After she was done and we found out we were expected another boy(GI Joe was elated! More soldiers to protect his princess lol) I asked if everything was ok. Oh yes she said... but she needed to go talk with the doctor to see if he wanted to take a closer look at anything.
That's when I knew something wasn't right.
I got scared and I asked GI Joe if he thought everything was ok. I told him they didn't do that with the other two(because of his job, he wasn't able to make it to the other kids' ultrasounds.) I remember feeling so scared, but then the tech came back in and said we could go. I still felt uneasy, but I tried to brush it off and just rejoice in a "healthy" baby boy.
The joy was short lived though, unfortunately.
Tuesday morning rolled around and I was(Thank GOD!) on my way to bible study. I received a call from the doctor who had some upsetting news. There was a choroid plexus cyst on the baby's brain. She told me that sometimes this means nothing and for me to try to stay calm. Yeah right. I asked her what it could possibly mean. She said it could be Trisomy 18, a very serious and fatal condition. She informed me that I needed to make an appointemt with a specialist and get a Level II ultrasound to see if there were any additional markers and to take a closer look at the cyst.
Oh God no was all I could pray.
I tried calling GI Joe. He was out on the field and I couldn't get ahold of him. I left him a sobbing message on his voicemail to call me right away.
I continued praying and driving to bible study. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it inside. By the GRACE OF GOD, my very best friend was late to bible study and she was still in the parking lot. She saw me upset and I told her what happened. She said we needed to go inside and find some prayer warriors and get to work.
Praise and worship time never touched so deep. It is well with my soul. Blessed be Your name. The words pierced me.
After the music, I went up for special prayer and these wonderful annointed ladies laid hands on my belly and prayed fervently for Bitty. I just sobbed and sobbed.
They prayed for His will to be done and for GI Joe and I to have the peace that passes all understanding.
And instantly the peace washed over me.
I was still afraid, yes. Still worried, yes. Still aching for my baby. YES.
But at peace with it. Peaceful knowing it was His will, whatever happens. His will that THIS CHILD was ours. He was our baby boy, no matter what he had or didn't have. That would never change.
Finally GI Joe called me back and I told him the situation. Being the soldier he is, he wanted to know the facts, odds, percentages, options, and what our course of action would be.
But he reiterated what God has spoken to me. This was our baby. No matter what.
A VERY stressful, tiresome and PRAYERFUL 4 weeks later, we were finally at the specialist for our follow up ultrasound. (Delays due to hospital communication, getting insurance approval, records being lost, scheduling conflicts, etc led to the long wait.) GI Joe and I were so nervous. We were both so nervous and scared for our baby.
The Maternal Fetal Specialist put the transducer on my belly and there he was. Such a beautiful little baby.
They looked around. They tried one position, then another, they searched. The cyst was gone.
Not smaller, not larger, it hadn't moved. It was gone. PRAISE BE TO GOD!!
I looked at my husband and our eyes just welled up. It was incredible. This baby boy was going to be born healthy. God had healed him!He is our little miracle.
Our little miracle is now 4 months old. And his mama is trying to soak up every last little bit of his babyness while it lasts...